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Monday, April 13, 2015

If Anthropologists and Archeologists Wanted the World to Take them Seriously

If Anthropologists and Archeologists Wanted the World to Take them Seriously

If anthropologists and archeologists wanted the world to take them more seriously, so that 9 out of 10 college grads didn't put their faith in the History Channel or the Discovery Channel instead, they would do a few things. And they woould stop digging in Oldavai Gorge, stop redating fossils that were redated within the last two decades, stop working on anything in strata younger than say 3000 B.C., and stop debating about human ancestors previous to 4 million B.C. , until the following questions have been adequately answered for the public.

1. What is the origin of the pyramids on the different continents? We heard your answer about all the different cultures coming up with them independently, but we didn't buy it. In fact, it made us wonder why we are paying our taxes and tuition to support your research.

Luckily, amateur scientists have done part of your job for you and adequately explained to us how the pyramids could have been made without the help of high tech machinery. This is a job that you had previously failed to accomplish, but having it done means you've got the rest of your work cut out for chop-chop!

2. What is the origin of tooth avulsion? We heard your answer about all the different cultures coming up with it independently, but we didn't buy it. We would buy it if you had an underlying reason to go along with the assumption, but lock-jaw aint it.

The first fossils with the same teeth knocked out at adolescence are in Australia 50 thousand years ago, the Maghreb in North Africa 20 thousand years ago, and the Jomon in Japan 20 thousand years ago. We need a source area of dispersal and a DNA lineage, or an anatomical explanation. If a hybrid tooth pattern of sinodonts vs sundadonts vs neanderthal vs erectines or any other combinations therein might create a need for such a practice, we need to know that too.

3. What is the homeland of the original practitioners of artifial cranial deformation? Were they a ghost population, and if not please provide us with their haplogroups. We heard your answer about all the different cultures coming up with the practice independently, but we didn't buy it. It makes us think that people who read books too much and spend all day in labs must lose their common sense completely somewhere along the way. If the crania deformers were a ghost population, please provide a few solid theories as to which extinct human haplogroup or archaic hominid lineage they are partially derived from.

The smart ones among us are pretty sure that they weren't alien hybrids, but even that is a better explanation than the little you scientist types have given us. We also need explanations of the absense of certain sutures on some of these skulls, and an explanation or refutation of the claim that there are extra arteries in the back of the Paracas skulls. We've all seen the holes on Youtube with our own eyes, and if they are indicitave of additional trepanations and not extra arteries at all, then we need a real scientists to say so publicly (and not in a nerdy boring article behind a pay-wall). If any archaics had extra holes or if the process of hybridization between any two known hominids might produce these extra arteries, that would be useful to know as well.

The first instances of it are redated to North Australia 20 thousand years ago and the Beijing area at roughly the same date. The next examples are from Korea and Ur around 8000 years ago, and the 45,000 year old Neanderthal at Shanidar has been debinked, so that should be a good start.

4. Are you guys admitting that the Ark of the Covenant was a capacitor, or where is the debunk page? 20 pages deep on a Google search and the only one I've seen looks like it might be showing that any box with gold around it is a capacitor, but I really can't tell since it's written so nerdy and is further complicated with Fundamentalist philosophy.

We try to argue from a scientific viewpoint with our friends and all they have to do is say "Ark of the Covenant" and quote a couple lines from Ancient Aliens and we're lost. We're not all electricians, so we need it given to us simple-like; a simple explanation of each opposing point of view will suffice.

5. What mtDNA and Y Haplogroups, not populations, have the most of each of the following things:

*Microcephaline D


*Mungo Man's Chromosomal Introgression


*Neanderthal (Divided into at least two clusters since it is known that Asians have a different segment of the genome than Europeans do).

*Denisovan (Divided into at least 3 clusters since it has three genomic divurgence points within it and there's some suggestion that some modern people have one or two parts but not all three parts of the greater genome).

Until archeologists, anthropologists, and archeogeneticists complete at least those five challenges, people will continue to turn to programs like The Search for Lost Giants and Ancient Aliens and will continue wondering why they had to take Civilization I and II in college in the first place...and eventually you might even lose funding for your government paid programs.

Then you won't be able to dig for proof that Neanderthal was stupid after all, or that dogs didn't really get domesticated until 5000 B.C. after all, or that Moses didn't exist, or that Hittites were really the Sittites as opposed to the Shittites...because there won't be any money left to dig with!

And remember not to put it only behind a pay wall: less than 1% of us can see it there, but we've all got the History Channel.

Joe Lyon Layden is a prehistoric fiction author and primitive musician. To receive a free copy of this entire novella "The Man from Parkho Khatune Bears Favor," as well as three free songs and monthly updates, freebies, and discounts on Joe's ongoing work, please sign up for the newsletter below.

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